How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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