you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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