You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
