I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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