I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
