i wish there were pregnant emoticons
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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