i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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