My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
