remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just found puke in my bra..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Two words: blizzard sex
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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