chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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