I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
God, I missed his penis.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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