Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
