Tell her she can't have a vagina
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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