Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
