I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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