One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
