Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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