Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
