I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
