perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
