You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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