Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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