I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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