I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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