sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
