you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
