have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
