I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
