AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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