Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
