if you like me you must not know who I am
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
