im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
