Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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