Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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