garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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