i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You smell like stripper and shame
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
