sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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