We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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