Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Randomize
