omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
