i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
