but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
