when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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