Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
