thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
