he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
