i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
