Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
