I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
