I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
