similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
