i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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