So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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