I think I just saw someone hide a body.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
